I was on many allopathic drugs but stopped them all due to excessive side effects.
I also took 2 yrs homeopathy from Bombay, from a famous doctor, who my friend suggested, but did not help.
I felt betrayed as he could not help me at all.
I have depression since long.
What are u seeking ?
I want to be myself. I dont know what is happening. I feel i am in a maze.
I feel as if my soul is wandering over me. Its getting mixed and shaded with the colours around it.
sometimes i am shining blue and sometimes i am shining in magenta. I personally like the parrot green hue.
It feels very thrilling and also very scary. Both the feelings come at the same time. I feel as if i am left to choose one.
and i find it difficult. I feel like flying always like that … my spirit wandering and communicating with the elements of the nature.
I feels so surreal. I also feel scary after that.What if i could not come back in to my body ? Then, how will people know me ?
I feel insecure afterwards. I then become worrysome and brood why its happening. What is going on around me ? I really dont know what i shoudl be doing then.
This is always there. Its thrilling but scary afterwards.
What is scary ?
I feel scared. What if i am lost like that ? what will happen to my body ? i am scared of it being abused.
I hate it. I dont like that at all. I get very paranoid then. I am intensely scared. I am not what i am at times.
Am i a different person ? I have a tendency to stare at people. Always. Even now when i am talking to you, i am staring at your face and thiking about you, what harm you could do.
I feel weird after that. Dont know why that happens. Is my soul not under my control ? Or is it my mind ? I am confused.
What do you think i can do ?
Uhmm … dont mistake me … i feel u can abuse me. U can take advantage of me. I hate my privacy being invaded.
I dont like a man who sleeps with me only because he wants to violate me. It sadly happened many a times. I hate that. But i have no other way.
I think so. I have to submit, if i have to live and be going. Its a part of life for me. but i constantly keep searching for answers.
Answers to what i should do, to be recognised and acknowledged. I feel it very intrusive but i had to undergo … may be in future too.
This is a bad world. There is a lot of injustice. I hate it. But i cannot do anything about it. My voice would be stubbed even if i wanted to shout.
No one would believe me and even if they would, it would make me more vulnerable.
what is recognition ?
I am not valued for what i am always. i have to always keep cheking with myself, am i doing things or not ? i feel worthless, lot of confusion.
i have at times thought of ending my life but lacked the courage to do it. I feel very miserable. Or is eveyone feeling the same but are not revealing it ?
every one is an artist ? they are only emoting artificially but are experiencing the pain inside ? i have so many doubts.
i dont know. What should i do ? i have no answers. I feel dazed. I am stuck in a signal and dont know where to go.
all road seem so alilke. I am lost.
What is it u seek ?
I want to be known for what i am. I hate wearing masks. I cannot be a playtoy always.
no one is valuing me. Even after doing good performances, i am not sure of who i am.
Del everything is strange
Merging of self with ones environment.
Delusion sees faces mask like.
Del of visions colorful.
Decomposition of shape and space
Confusion of mind, of situations.